Colin McNamara - CCIE 18233 , VCP, EMCIE, NCDA, GEEK » joke

3 minute management course

colinmcnamara — Mon, 01 Jan 2007 21:09:00 +0000

Lesson One!

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing?”
The eagle answered: “Sure, why not” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson Two:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.”
“Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull.” They’re packed with nutrients.”
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day he reached the second branch and, finally, after a fourth
night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Management Lesson:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

Lesson Three:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He laid
there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Management Lesson :
(1) Not everyone who craps on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of crap is your friend..
(3) And when you’re in deep crap, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

This ends the three minute management course.

http://www.2cups.com

“The difficult we do immediately, the impossible just takes a little longer.”Similar Posts:

--Colin McNamara

3 minute management course

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Christmas Trivia

colinmcnamara — Tue, 19 Dec 2006 02:53:00 +0000

Christmas comes from Old English, “Cristes maesse” or “Mass of Christ.”

A traditional Christmas dinner in early England was the head of a pig prepared with mustard.

“White Christmas,” released in 1954, starring Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye, was the first movie to be made in Vista Vision.

The holiday classic, “It’s A Wonderful Life,” was originally a box office flop.

The real Santa Claus was born in 280 A.D. as Nicholas. He commonly wore a red and white Bishop’s robe.

“Xmas” is considered by some to be a disrespectful abbreviation. But the Old English word for Christmas begins with X. The Greek word for “Christ,” from which the English is derived, begins with the Greek letter chi, or X. So, X is an appropriate abbreviation for Christ.

The first electric Christmas tree lights were telephone switchboard lights.

About 400,000 people get sick each year from consuming tainted Christmas leftovers.

In 1907, Oklahoma became the last U.S. state to make Christmas a legal holiday.

America’s official national Christmas tree grows in California’s King’s Canyon National Park. The tree is a giant sequoia standing more than 300 feet high, and it’s called the “General Grant Tree.”

Christmas trees are edible. Many parts of pines, spruces and firs can be eaten.

According to the laws of the time, Joseph could have had Mary stoned to death for becoming pregnant.

“Hot Cockles” was a popular game at Christmas in medieval times. In the game, players took turns striking a blindfolded player, who had to guess the name of the person delivering each blow.

Toys for Tots held its first toy drive in 1947.

Boris Karloff was the voice of the Grinch in the animated classic, “How the Grinch Stole Christmas.”

During the Christmas shopping season, Visa cards alone are used an average of 5,340 times every minute in the US

According to a recent survey, seven out of 10 dogs in Great Britain get Christmas gifts from their owners.

“Wassail” comes from the Old Norse term, “ves heill,” meaning “to be of good health.” This evolved into the popular holiday tradition of visiting neighbors on Christmas Eve and drinking to their health.

The average American household will send out 28 Christmas cards each year, and will receive the same number in return.

Boxing Day, celebrated in Canada, has nothing to do with fighting. It refers to the custom of giving gift boxes to employees the day after Christmas. Originally, it was the day Christmas presents were given in England.

Jesus Christ was born in a cave, not in a stable.

The first Christmas card was made in England on December 9, 1842.

The ancient Druids believed the sparks from a burning log carried wishes for a prosperous New Year to the gods, hence the tradition of yule logs.

According to the National Christmas Tree Association, Americans buy 37.1 million real Christmas trees each year.

Charles Dickens wrote several Christmas stories after “A Christmas Carol,” one each year, in fact, but none could match the success of the original.

The Julbock is a common Christmas decoration in Sweden. It’s a small figurine of a goat made from straw.

In Sweden, the “tomte” is a Christmas gnome.

According to “How the Grinch Stole Christmas,” the Grinch was so mean because his heart was two sizes too small.

There are about 5,000 “choose and cut” Christmas tree farms in the US

http://www.2cups.com

“The difficult we do immediately, the impossible just takes a little longer.”Similar Posts:

--Colin McNamara

Christmas Trivia

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The difference between a consultant and a partner

colinmcnamara — Sat, 09 Dec 2006 21:17:00 +0000

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW drives up in a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in an Armani suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd: “If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?”

The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers: “Sure. Why not?” The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the shepherd and says:

“You have exactly 1586 sheep.”

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep.”, says the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the shepherd says to the young man: “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep? ” The young man thinks about it for a second and then says:“Okay, why not?”

“You’re a consultant.” says the shepherd.

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”

“No guessing required”, answered the shepherd.

“You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked; and you don’t know crap about my business… Now give me back my dog.”

http://www.2cups.com

“The difficult we do immediately, the impossible just takes a little longer.”Similar Posts:

--Colin McNamara

The difference between a consultant and a partner

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